I just read Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka last night. I thought it was great. I really felt bad for Gregor and the life he chose to live. I don’t really have any in-depth analysis to share, I’m afraid I’m just not that skilled at this sort of thing. I did notice when Gregor saw the picture of himself as a lieutenant in the army and his ‘carefree smile’ in the picture. Looking back on his military experience so happily must have pained him, a man now stuck as a travelling salesman. It is pitiful that he was once a man in uniform, a man with a position in society that drew respect, and how his family duties took away that position and his pride. Gregor was now just a man just going through the motions. I felt so angry at his father the freeloader – taking long breakfasts, gaining weight, and even saving away some of the money that Gregor gave him for essentials. Gregor seeming not to care about it at all was a particularly pathetic moment for him.
Gregor really felt spineless in the book, so small surpise he woke up one day without one. His only thoughts were to sending his sister to music school, or freeing his ungrateful father from debt. I don’t believe such selflessness is healthy. Gregor’s only thoughts should have been to paying the debt off (if he genuinely felt like he had to) and then get back to his own life. Back to the army, or back to whatever made him happy. His family can fend for themselves otherwise, which of course is the other ‘metamorphosis’ of the book – once the safety net of Gregor was pulled away, the family once again became independant and self-sufficient.
Maybe I’m looking at this too much from the lens of my own life. Like Gregor, I too have family duties and responsibilities that I cannot avoid. But nothing like what Gregor has allowed. There is always a balance, but it won’t be found – you have to force it. In the garden of your life, you need to set out your boundaries as best you can. You can’t let the place be overgrown or allow weeds to choke out the parts you want to cultivate. Your obligations will alway try to push in and overgrow your garden – and it’s up to you, to the best of your abilities, to push back, cut back and keep the boundaries up. I think because family members are often ‘inside’ your garden from the beginning of your life, it’s always so much harder to stop them making a mess of things. But you have to remember it’s your life, not theirs. Your garden, not theirs. You need to be able to put your foot down and control your own life as best you can. You can spend your life daydreaming about what could be – but if there really is anyway that you can achieve your dreams – you need to go out and try.
A part of me thinks that ‘Gregor the lieutenant’ was perhaps just his own dream, and the picture of the wall that he ‘saw’ was just his fantasy. It’s not uncommon that people make stories in their head where they have more exciting and fanciful jobs, perhaps that was Gregor’s own ‘dream job’. If we allow this supposition to be true, it really would be a perfect fantasy job for Gregor. It’s clear he does enjoy routine and order in his life, and a sense of duty in his work. That becomes his downfall, as his family, perhaps subconciously, take advantage of these otherwise positive traits. The life of a soldier, at least in Gregor’s fantasy, would supply an aspect that is clearly missing – respect. Respect from his peers, society, his family, all wrapped up in a uniform. So many roles and careers in the past had a ‘uniform’ as it lent the man wearing it with a ‘place’ in their community. A ‘role’ that was readily understood and respected by wider society. Gregor’s father, for example, slept in his uniform. He refused to take it off even when sleeping on the couch, and when it began to wear and tear. But the buttons were always polished. Gregor, more than once, is outspoken on his frustration that his position as a travelling salesman is not respected.
I also believe that, perhaps in a counter-intuitive way, a role in the military would grant him the freedom and independence he subconsciously sought. While a life in the military is regimental and defined by order, it would have created great distance between him and his family – which had become the font of his life’s stresses. Gregor was a young, fit and healthy man. He was hard working, bright, and willing to travel. He had the essential ingredients of what was needed to commence the life of a soldier. It must have effected him in some way to have been forced, through family duty, to take such a ‘lowly’ position in life as a travelling salesman, in comparison to the idea of the heroic lieutenant, the pride of his family and his society, sword in hand and a carefree smile on his face. I like to think that ‘Lieutenant Gregor’ was just his own ‘dream job’. One that answered all his problems he had with his current way of life and a fantasy for him to withdraw into when the stress of life got to him. I think reality and fantasy began to merge when he saw the picture on the wall, caused by the extreme stress and fear he was trying to suppress.
I’ve given up on some of my dreams – but not all of them. In some ways I’ve been moderately successful in my career which has allowed me a comfortable life. In fact the career I have would be objectively seen to be at least as successful as the job I would consider my dream job. Sometimes I do feel quite trapped, and sometimes I fantasize, like Gregor, about what could have been. About more exiting, more incredible jobs. But everytime that has happened, I do what I can to push back against the stress that is pushing me towards those fantasies. I work towards goals I can achieve. Changing a job can be a good step in the right direction. My own family works very hard – this also gives me perspective. There are members of my family who work incredibly hard and I’m always grateful to them for that. It makes my own duties far easier to tolerate, knowing that we are sharing the burdens as best we can. It helps keep me out of my own ‘fantasy’ when I can see that my family are all working hard to make our lives better. There’s no need for fantasy when you feel content with reality.
Bringing it all back to our poor travelling salesman, his ‘metamorphosis’ should have been the restoration of his autonomy. He should have returned to the military (or as I theorise – joined the military for the first time) and sent money back to his family – whatever amount assuaged his guilt. As can been seen, the family would have downsized their apartment, used their investments, and got their own employment – and all the better for them. When the whole family works, the whole family benefits. I know this from my own life.
In a way the book almost suggests to become a parasite degrades you as much as the ‘host’. The family re-established themselves once they could no longer feed off of the fruits of Gregor’s labour. Grete only became a ‘young woman’ once she put aside her violin, learned employable skills and became more independent. And once Gregor was forced to become a parasite, he did not last much longer – although his transformation and degredation was more physical, to be in contrast with the emotional and mental metamorphosis of his family.
Moving away from Metamorphosis, and to my own personal life, I don’t have any major updates. I am awaiting my new role which I am excited for. I also took some time off and went back to continental Europe, as I live and work in Ireland. It was nice to spend time with family (and funny timing for me to read Metamorphosis for the first time). I don’t have many upcoming major plans on the sequel to my own book. Every evening I need to study for my new job, to refresh myself on certain points. There will be some small changes to my day-to-day in my new role and I want to be prepared.
I think around Christmas of this year I could get some more bits written down in The Eight-Pointed Star – but honestly this second book will be quite the marathon and I’m in no rush to finish it. It’s all about balance, after all. I need to make sure my personal life is in balance before I spend too much time here or there on my hobbies.
PMA
Phoebe Martin Allard 